Feeling Rationally
by alien09
Summary: Previously a one-shot. Finally completed. BB.
1. Chapter 1

Booth watched as Brennan embraced her father

Booth watched as Brennan embraced her father. For a minute, he saw her walls drop. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her hands grasped her father's almost reverently. He pushed his hands further down into his pockets, his fingers finding the poker chip he carried around with him religiously.

_She deserves to be happy._

Casting one last glance towards his partner, Booth slowly descended the concrete steps. He thought he heard someone call his name, but he kept walking. He had said yes. He had looked at her when he had been asked if she had had enough time to murder Kirby, whether she would be capable of murder. She had nodded imperceptibly towards him. That hadn't made him feel any better.

_This is a lot of heart Bones._

'Booth!' Brennan's voice finally penetrated his thoughts. He sighed inwardly. He couldn't speak to her now. Something had seized his heart, was slowly eating away at his mind after he had stepped down from the witness stand.

'_Booth_!' This time her voice was insistent. Realizing how stubborn Brennan was on a normal day, Booth gave in to the inevitable and slowed down. She was standing beside him now, her hair flying from her face and her arms wrapped tightly around her to ward away the slight nip in the air.

'You should be with your family Bones,' Booth said. He tried to force a sense of normalcy into his tone.

'Aren't you coming to the diner?' She asked.

'Nah. You and the squint squad celebrate with your dad and Russ. I'm going to go back to the office. Paperwork,' Booth mumbled.

_He had said yes._

Brennan narrowed her eyes at him.

'I'll come with you,' she answered. Ignoring his protests, Booth saw her look over at Angela. Some kind of unspoken communication occurred because the next thing he knew, Angela was ushering everyone towards the diner and Brennan was still next to him.

_Angela had refused to testify. Why didn't I refuse to testify?_

She waited silently beside him. Shrugging his shoulders, Booth led the way towards the Hoover building. The sun beat down on the sidewalk, casting shadows as they both put one foot in front of the other.

'Are you going to tell me what's wrong?' Brennan finally asked.

'Nothing's wrong Bones, okay?'

'You're not talking. When you don't talk its because you're either thinking about a case or feeling guilty. And since you don't have that deep furrow right there,' Brennan said, gently tapping Booth on the forehead, 'I want to know why you feel guilty.'

Booth stopped to look at her. Her features were soft but there was a hard edge of concern on her face. Booth exhaled noisily.

'Can we not do this?' He tried, pushing his fingers through his hair. 'It's done. It doesn't matter.'

'Obviously it does,' she replied plainly. Silence once again reigned over them.

'There's no need to feel guilty Booth. You answered the question truthfully,' she said.

_You answered the question truthfully_.

Those words made Booth snap.

'No Bones, _it is not okay_ that I had to say and think those things alright? It doesn't even begin to reach the meaning of okay!'

_Bones ramming the knife into Kirby's neck. Bones wrapping the body. Bones standing by passively as Kirby's body burned._

'That day at the diner, I hypothesized with you. I knew you could do it Booth. I wouldn't have let it happen if I didn't know you could do it.'

'You _wanted _me to think that you could kill someone?' Booth questioned incredulously.

'Everyone is capable of taking a life Booth,' Brennan explained patiently. 'Society conditions each of us a certain way. Sometimes it reveals that piece of us that let's us end the life of another without feeling remorse.'

'_No_,' Booth almost shouted. His raised voice was starting to draw a few stares. '_You _aren't capable of that. You're rational and compartmentalized but there is no way the Temperance Brennan I know is capable to do anything like that!'

He felt Brennan grasp his hand, rubbing her thumb soothingly over his knuckles like that time at the cemetery.

'I felt like I've betrayed you,' he finally whispered. Brennan squeezed his hand tightly.

'You could _never _do that Booth,' she said fiercely. 'While it might be unpleasant to think that someone you care about can kill, it doesn't mean you care for them any less.'

'What-' Booth asked, confused.

'You took lives as a sniper. You killed. I _know _you can and will kill if you need to. That hasn't changed how I see you,' Brennan said. Booth found himself staring deeply into a pair of blue eyes. He noticed that her irises were shot through with hints of green when the sun struck her face just so.

'You've stuck by me Booth,' Brennan forced out, her eyes starting to glisten. 'My father left. Russ left. But you never did. What you did today wasn't a betrayal. It just took a lot of _heart._'

Booth looked at her. Their hands were still entwined and Booth wondered distantly if Brennan was aware of this.

'I just need some time to sort things through,' Booth admitted. He saw Brennan nod in understanding. Gently, she disentangled their hands. Booth found himself missing her touch.

Then her lips were on his cheek. Something zipped through his body and he found himself motionless.

'Thank you Booth.'

He watched her walk away from him. He would do anything for her if she asked.

_Even if it means thinking she's a murderer._


	2. Chapter 2

'I still wish you hadn't done that Angela,' Brennan said

'I still wish you hadn't done that Angela,' Brennan said.

'Sweetie, if nothing else I can tick being incarcerated off my list of things to do before I die.'

'I wouldn't have held it against you if you had testified. It's your job and therefore your duty to-'

'It's also my duty as your best friend to _not_ help put a needle in your dad's arm,' Angela interrupted her, her tone wry. 'You can thank me by buying me that new pair of Manolo's I've had my eye on.'

'Purchasing shoes doesn't measure up to what you did.'

'Then you can buy me _two _pairs. There. Problem solved,' Angela replied with a flourish. 'Tempe, you got your father _back_. Just…be happy about that okay?'

'I am happy,' Brennan said definitively. 'But I'm also confused Ange. I've spent the last fifteen years of my life wondering if my father was alive or dead. And then all of a sudden he's here and burning the Deputy Director of the FBI at the stake. I just…I just need some time to get used to knowing that he's _here _now, that he's not going to just run away again.'

Angela bestowed an affectionate look on Brennan, looping an arm around her shoulder. The two friends sat in silence for a while, both reflecting on what had transpired.

'I heard about Booth's testimony. The one where your lawyer hounded him about whether you were capable of murder,' Angela started, prodding.

Brennan released a sigh. 'He's not very happy with me at the moment.'

'I wonder why,' Angela murmured sarcastically. Sometimes, she felt like tearing her hair out in frustration. Often, she simply found Jack and an available room but that option wasn't available at the moment.

'You shouldn't have done that Sweetie,' Angela admonished. Jack had told her of the look of agony on Booth's face, of the look of distaste that had lingered around the FBI agent when he had left the stand.

Brennan looked at her with surprise. 'I wouldn't have done it if I knew he wasn't capable of handling-'

'Not everyone can compartmentalize like you can Bren,' Angela told her. 'It's a great skill when you have to deal with bones and depraved human beings, but not a very good one when it comes to the ones you _love_.'

'He said he felt like he betrayed me,' Brennan whispered. 'I told him he didn't.'

'The man's stuck by through everything, you know that right?' Angela continued when she saw Brennan nod. 'He's seen the _real you_. Temperance, what's it going to take to make you realize that Booth's _in love with you_?'

'He's not in love with me-'

'He _is_,' Angela insisted, tightening her grip on Brennan's arm. 'That man has fought tooth and nail to make sure that you're safe everyday. He would take a bullet for you. I know its scary and frightening that he feels this way, but you can't jerk him around like that anymore.'

'I don't know what to do Angela.' The pain underlying her best friend's voice made Angela's heart break just a little. 'I can't stop him from feeling that way. I can't…I can't stop _myself _from feeling that way either.'

Angela felt her jaw drop in amazement. 'Excuse me?'

'I don't know what love is Angela,' Brennan said, turning to face her. 'What I've had with other men doesn't compare to what I feel whenever I'm with Booth. I understand that love can be equated with serotonin-'

'Oh don't even start with the chemical reaction thing,' Angela said, waving her hand in a dismissive gesture.

Brennan smiled thinly at her. 'The one's that I have formed an attachment to have left me. Michael left because he couldn't handle me being the superior one in the relationship, just like you said. David left because he said I wasn't emotionally invested enough. Sully left because I couldn't contemplate a life where it was just me and him.'

'Booth isn't going to leave you,' Angela told her.

'But what happens when he does?' Brennan asked her plaintively. 'When he walks away, I don't think-'

'_If _he leaves, not _when_,' Angela corrected her. 'You need to get rid of this idea that Booth is going to disappear without saying goodbye. He's stuck by you for three years.'

'It's awfully presumptuous that we're both assuming he feels sexually and romantically interested in me,' Brennan commented.

'Sweetie, trust me on this. He _is_. A blind man from Mars would be able to tell what Booth feels for you. We just need the man himself to buy a clue.'

'How can a clue be bought?' Brennan asked, confused. 'A clue is necessarily a hint and I doubt there would be any monetary value attached to such an intangible-'

'It's just something we say, alright Sweetie.'

'I told him that he wouldn't leave me,' Brennan told her abruptly. 'I told him he'd stuck by me when Dad and Russ left.'

'Maybe you should tell him about how he confuses you too,' Angela said softly. 'I think he deserves to know.'

'Booth told me once that there was a line that we could never cross. He didn't say it specifically to include himself and me, but just partners in general.'

'That's because Booth is a lot like you. He was _trying _to compartmentalize,' Angela retorted. 'I think its time the two of you stop running from something that could be become so much more, don't you think?'

'It isn't that simple Ange.'

'Maybe so,' Angela conceded, shrugging her shoulders. 'Or it could be that you're just making it complicated by thinking about it too much. You tend to overanalyze things just a tad.'

Brennan offered a noncommittal noise in response.

'The man is terrified of pushing you into something you're not ready to,' Angela told her. 'He knows how skittish you become when it comes to your feelings. Seeley Booth is not the kind of man to just sit back and wait. He takes what he wants. But because it's _you_, he's _sitting back _and he's _waiting_ Tempe! But you can't expect him to twiddle his thumbs forever.'

'I know,' Brennan replied, her voice heavy. 'I'll think about it, alright?'

Angela sighed. 'Okay. You know I love you right? I just want you to be happy.' She pressed a kiss to Brennan's temple.

'I don't know what I did to deserve a friend like you,' Brennan repeated the words she had said earlier.

'Right back atcha Sweetie,' Angela said warmly.

'Oh. Hey Angela. I didn't know you were still here.' Booth's calm tone betrayed the uncomfortable demeanor that he had adopted. Standing in the doorway, he rubbed the back of his neck.

'I was just leaving,' Angela advised, catching his eye and hoping that he understood the silent message hidden beneath her look. 'We'll go shopping this weekend so you can start reminding me how wonderful I am, alright Bren?'

'Thank you Angela,' Brennan said sincerely, wrapping her friend in a hug.

'Just tell him,' Angela whispered, giving her a hard squeeze in return before leaving the room. She had done all she could, and hearing Booth's awkward greeting, she hoped she had done enough.


	3. Chapter 3

Booth watched Angela walk away, his mind still trying to decipher the veiled look she had given him before

Booth watched Angela walk away, his mind still trying to decipher the veiled look she had given him before.

'Are you still mad at me?' Brennan's voice was small and shaky, and promptly focused his attention back towards her. Sighing, Booth made his way over to the couch beside her.

'I'm still a little mad at you,' he confessed, careful to keep some distance between them. He saw her clasp her hands tightly together, her grip so tight that her knuckles were white. 'Just for the record Bones, what happened back there is _never _going to happen again. Okay?'

A pause. 'Okay,' he heard her concede. 'I'm…I'm sorry Booth.'

Booth blinked in surprise. His partner rarely, if ever, apologized directly. Oh she would say it, but always in a roundabout way that made it impossible to realize what she was saying unless you really knew her.

'I realize that my ability to section off my feelings isn't something that everyone is able to do. And I'm sorry I made you feel like you had betrayed me.'

Booth was horrified to see a dark blue spot appear on the thigh of her jeans. Tentatively, he reached out and lifted her chin.

'Hey, you know I hate it when you get that sad, girly look on your face,' Booth said softly, his chest constricting when he saw her eyes shimmering with tears. 'Look Bones, you're my partner. Sure, you're going to do things that I might not particularly like-'

_For instance, Sully._

'But that's life. We're just going to have to get over it and move on,' he finished.

'I resent the implication that I'm the only one that does things. You have done plenty of things that I have objected to. For instance, you repeatedly deny my constitutional right to have a gun,' Brennan said, her voice watery. Booth smiled, seeing the familiar sparkle flicker back into her eyes.

'The _FBI _is denying you your constitutional right, not me. You were charged with a felony Bones. Besides, you're packing a gun the size of Big Foot. Why are we still having this conversation?'

Booth saw his thumb trace along her jaw.

'You didn't betray me, you know?' Brennan said. Booth felt his hand drop, leaving it to rest on his leg. Staring straight ahead, he avoided Brennan's gaze as she spoke.

'For the past three years Booth, you've been there for me-'

'Angela didn't testify Bones!' Booth finally exploded, jumping to his feet.

'You were doing your job Booth. I knew that.'

'That doesn't make it any better. What if your dad had been found guilty, huh Bones? Would you still have been able to look at me, knowing that I helped put your _father _on death row?'

'But he wasn't found guilty.'

'You would hate me if he was though. Don't even deny it,' Booth said, seeing her trying to interrupt. This spurred Brennan to her feet, and Booth found himself face to face with his partner.

'Don't you _dare _presume to know what I would think or feel Seeley Booth. You have no idea how…' Brennan trailed off, swallowing.

'What Bones?' Booth demanded.

'It's been a long day Booth. I'll see you tomorrow.'

'No,' Booth said, grabbing hold of her wrist as she tried to walk away. He felt it in his core that she had been about to say something very important. '_What_?'

'Let go of me Booth.'

'No,' Booth replied, feeling defiant even though he knew the chances of him getting his ass handed to him was becoming a distinct possibility.

'This is ridiculous. Let go of me _now_.'

'_No_. Say it Bones. Why are you so afraid to say it?'

'I have nothing to say,' Brennan countered, looking him square in the eye.

'You made me….you _wanted _me to think that you were capable of taking a life. You _wanted _me to think you were like those assholes we put behind bars everyday. _Tell me Temperance_.'

'How you make me feel!' Her exclamation made Booth pause in shock. His mouth gaped open.

'You _confuse _me Booth! Every time you're around me I feel like I'm not in control, like _you're _the one that controls _me_. I find myself worrying about how you are when you're not around, about whether you've eaten, about whether…about whether you've been with another women.' The last part was said so softly Booth almost missed it. It made his heart jump into his mouth, made his head feel slightly giddy.

'And I know it's unfounded and unreasonable, but I just-'

Booth seized the moment. He placed his lips on hers, grinning wildly when he felt her respond to him eagerly.

'I've been wanting to do that since Christmas,' Booth confessed, sucking in air hungrily. He was pleased to see Brennan slightly dazed, her fingers resting on her lips.

'God knows you confuse me too Bones,' Booth said. Brennan raised her eyes to meet his. 'And now that I know I confuse you too, I want us to figure this out together.'

'You said there was a line,' Brennan told him. 'Did you mean it or were you trying to compartmentalize?'

'Epps had just poisoned Cam Bones.' Booth slid his hand to rest on the nape of her neck, thrilled that she hadn't flipped him over her shoulder. 'I could handle Cam being hurt. I couldn't handle it if _you _had been the one on that bed. I was trying to convince myself that if we weren't involved, I could be more objective in the field.'

'Did it work?'

'Not one bit,' Booth told her, resting his forehead on hers.

'So what do we do now Booth?'

'We do what we always do Bones. We work together and we make this work.'

'What if it doesn't? What if you leave and-'

Booth's hold on her tightened.

'I'm not promising that I'm never going to leave,' Booth said and wasn't surprised to feel her tense up. '_But _I promise that I'm going to do everything in my power not to leave you unless I have to.'

'Alright,' he heard her answer, her lips moving against his neck. They were still slightly moist and he resisted the urge to shiver. 'But I'm warning you that I'm not very good at this.'

'Ah. But none of them knew you like I did,' Booth said, brow furrowing as he ran through all the men that Brennan had previously been with.

'Are you puffing out your chest?'

'No,' Booth denied quickly. 'And don't start on the alpha male thing, alright? We already know I'm going to be the best. There's no need for me to prove anything.'

'Really?' Brennan asked, raising an eyebrow.

'Who else can say that they _confuse _the great Temperance Brennan?' Booth asked, flashing a dimpled smile. He saw her features soften in response and his heart hammered wildly in his chest.

_You wanted this Seel my man. Now you have it. _

'Thank you Seeley. For everything.'

As Brennan slanted her lips against his, only one thought ran through Booth's mind.

_Don't screw it up._


End file.
